Joy Dare::July

 13,521. Confirmation that reaching out was the right thing to do
13,522. Cookout at church
13,523. Cleaning house
13,524. Van and Karen were even complimentary of the leftovers
13,525. Air conditioning on these hottest days
13,526. Anna's complete relief that driver's ed is over
13,527. Learning new things about our aunts and uncles (this time Uncle Darryl's "Pop pop drizzle")
13,528. Serving a full supper to a full table
13,529. Practicing hospitality
13,530. Trying disc golf for the first time
13,531. A very beautiful wedding venue
13,532. Sitting with Laura during church
13,533. Helping Rebecca
13,534. Exploring a new playground with Isaiah
13,535. Sending Isaiah off to camp
13,536. Birthday cake delivered to me
13,537. An unexpected evening with friends
13,538. Getting camp pictures of Isaiah
13,539. Baby smiles
13,540. Bearing witness and being present
13,541. Sean's piano playing
13,542. Seeing mercy in the suffering
13,543. Holding my girls' thoughts and feelings
13,544. Josiah being the best friend

13,545. Seeing Sean very excited about going swimming
13,546. Aliza's heart being so well cared for
13,547. Hearing all of Isaiah's camp stories
13,548. Seeing Aliza walk off the plane
13,549. All together

13,550. Letting the tears come when they do
13,551. Eating watermelon with Dad
13,552. World Cup watching
13,553. Sitting quietly by myself
13,554. Hearing Aliza sing beside me in church
13,555. Spending the evening with Laura and the Sheats family
13,556. Leaning into the grief
13,557. The most special company
13,558. Sunflowers on my counter
13,559. Peace that passes understanding
13,560. 25 years of marriage
13,561. A lovely evening for Island Creamery
13,562. Birthday gifts that arrive later
13,563. Time away with Jeremy
13,564. Grandma to take care of sick kids
13,565. Upgraded room
13,566. Smokey, hazy day to slow our pace
13,567. Old fashioned walk around the mall
13,568. Blueberry crumble pie a la mode
13,569. A short, sweet hike
13,570. Anna is feeling better
13,571. Driving home
13,572. Another birthday present
13,573. Hearing Laura's voice
13,574. Hearing Sean singing in church
13,575. Truth
13,576. Watching World Cup Championship together
13,577. A good night's sleep
13,578. Working with Anna on her room
13,579. Supper prayers
13,580. Catching up with Maria
13,581. Talking to Aliza for a few minutes (after midnight)
13,582. Porch conversations with Janell, Lydia and Anna
13,583. Mango sweet cream iced chai
13,584. Listening to the storm roll in
13,585. Ephesians 6:10-18 memorized
13,586. Sean's smile

13,587. Anna so excited to have her electric guitar in working order
13,588. Polos to keep in touch with far away friends
13,589. A break in the humidity
13,590. Feeling-like-summer mornings
13,591. Sunset time with Jeremy on the porch
13,592. Picking up Aliza 

13,593. The moment I see Aliza across baggage claim
13,594. Cleaning day productivity
13,595. Anna really excited about her project
13,596. Delivering hugs from another mom to her kids
13,597. Watching Aliza's camp staff video
13,598. Welcome home--hibachi for supper
13,599. Hummingbirds at the feeder
13,600. Summer morning thunderstorm
13,601. Took some perseverance, but we were successful
13,602. Fake plants making me smile

13,603. Watching dance recital DVDs
13,604. Car time with my nieces
13,605. A deep cleaned laundry room

13,606. Aliza making me laugh
13,607. My girls taking care of babies
13,608. Seeing progress in Anna's room
13,609. Jeremy and the boys playing disc golf
13,610. Ashley time
13,611. Riding along with Aliza
13,612. Celebrating Mom

 

July 14

 If you are keeping track, the next day, July 14, was our 25th wedding anniversary. What a privilege to be able to celebrate our marriage and love that has matured and grown over a quarter of a century.  

As every 22 year old does, I took so much about love and marriage for granted. A marriage doesn't make it to 25 years by chance. It takes intention, communication and a lot of growing together to create a foundation that stands the test of time, children and life. 

Jeremy and I had couple days together in the Poconos. "We were together" is what I say about those days away. The place we stayed was not our style...laughingly so! The smoke from Canada was so thick we could not do outdoor activities one day. At home our kids weren't feeling great. Josiah and Isaiah had colds. Anna was some-kind-of-really sick. Thankfully, since Jeremy's parents are now retired, they could stay with our children so Anna wasn't alone. The smoke cleared enough the second day that we could hike which was nice. Mostly, though, we are just together and that was most important this time. 

July 13

 The day of my brother-in-law, my sister's husband, my nephew's dad, my parent's son-in-law, my children's uncle's funeral. 

John wanted his sword bent to represent that his battle is finished. It was displayed along with jewelry that he made, favorite books and photos. 

The service was emotional. Very very emotional. Just when I thought I could stop the tears the next song would play and I would be crying again. Having bagpipes play Amazing Grace during the recessional was absolutely perfect for John and extremely emotional. 

Josiah was sitting to my right and Aliza was beside him. I looked over early in the service and Josiah was holding Aliza's hand. He held her hand the entire service. 

The tears did not slow down at the graveside. And then we had a luncheon at church. 

We knew that two of my aunts were coming from Pennsylvania and Texas for the funeral. We did not know that two of my uncles and a cousin were coming from Michigan. A luncheon was not long enough to visit, and so everyone came to our house for a few more hours. It was a not-too-hot day and we visited outside.  

My house was not company ready. Jeremy's parents had also arrived that morning. Karen and Janell got to my house first and did some quick tidying up. I had mowed the grass which I was very thankful that I did!My uncles, aunts and cousins had not seen our house at all or since we remodeled so, of course, I showed them the whole downstairs not just the living areas. As much as I was cringing on the inside, I would not have had it any other way. 

These sunflowers were at the luncheon and ended up at my house. They made me really happy. 

My aunt from Texas spent the night at our house. She and Aliza left at 4am to get to BWI for their 8am flights. My aunt would not have had to take such an early flight. Her sacrifice of sleep was a huge gift to me to not have to drive to Baltimore. 

 

July 10

 Isaiah had the best week at camp! He was very tired and didn't have too much to say right away. 

Tabatha sent us pictures every day. That was the best for my Mom heart. 

 

Being the youngest, Isaiah has been coached by his siblings on the hype of camp. 

For kids camp, color wars are called Organized Mass Chaos (OMC). The colors are divided by grade. Red is always 6th grade which are the oldest kids--and the smallest group. OCM involves silly tasks and shaving cream. 

And the red team won!!

Isaiah got home about 1:00 and at 9:30 we picked Aliza up at the Salisbury airport. It was late when we got home and Aliza was so very tired, but Isaiah was ready to talk and so we all sat on the couch and listened to him tell us all about his week at camp. It was a really special, unexpected moment in the midst of the hard.  

Aliza's directors and team were so amazing for her this week. They gave her space to be emotional and talk to me as needed and gave her time off to come home Friday night through early Tuesday morning. I'm so thankful that all of the kids could be home so that we were able to walk through the weekend and John's funeral together. 

July 8

 Most of the story of this day will stay in my heart and only be shared verbally out of respect for the depth of my sister's story. What I felt and continue to feel, in no way, compares to what she experienced and continues to experience. 

At 2:20 I got a call from Sean and then immediately a call from Laura. I heard her voice and knew it was "the" call. She wanted me to come. God gave me the place I felt completely inadequate to be. I was with Sean. The one to tell him that his Daddy is with Jesus now.  

And when Sean went with his Uncle Jeff and cousins, I made the calls to our siblings and friends. The hardest calls for me were to the the guy that was with Isaiah and Aliza's director. I knew Aliza would be heartbroken and I wasn't there to comfort her. Isaiah was surprised, but it didn't slow him down. I felt the absence of Aliza and Isaiah very deeply that day. 

My facebook post:

This happened far too soon. John, you fought the fight well. You kept the faith during deep suffering. Now you are enjoying the discovery of all the gems and jewels in heaven. I'll expect a full tour with every detail explained when I get there!

Laura, you fought the fight when your husband couldn't. Your faith never wavered and will carry you through. You are the best Mom for Sean. You cared for his heart well over this year and I know that God will continue to give you the wisdom for that care in the future.

Mom, your example of sacrificial love and care for John, Laura and Sean over this year and especially the last 2 months is one I will look up to for the rest of my life. Your strength under pressure is unmatched.

 

 

July 3-6

 July 3--Jeremy parents and his Aunt and Uncle are staying at our house this weekend. They are here for Jeremy's cousin, Jackie's, wedding tomorrow. We spent the afternoon visiting. I made BBQ chicken thighs in the crockpot, corn on the cob, homemade macaroni and watermelon for supper. For dessert, we had ice cream at Island Creamery. We walked over to SU to eat it and the kids threw frisbee. It was a very hot, very nice evening together. 

July 4--I decided to have brunch since I am not an early enough riser to serve breakfast and also serve lunch. Aunt Patti was awake for hours by the time brunch was served! Breakfast casserole, bacon, homemade biscuits and shoo fly cake turned out to be a pretty good brunch though. 

Jeremy's cousin and his wife came over and after visiting for a bit we decided to play disc golf before it was time to leave for the wedding. I went along and threw a few discs for the first time. It's different than throwing a frisbee...I need some coaching before I play again! It was fun though! I also really enjoyed getting to see Josiah and Isaiah play! 

IT WAS SO HOT. We only played 9 holes before it was time to head back for showers and cool off before we spent the rest of the day at the outdoor wedding and reception. Jackie was a beautiful bride. The venue was spectacular. 

This is the closest I got to Jeremy during the entire wedding day. Usually I'm happy to hold his hand or sit close. Not this day! It was just entirely too hot!

The bride, Jackie, and her sister, Katelyn, were the flower girls in our wedding. 

Jeremy and I decided that we were going to leave the reception at 8pm so that we could get home in time to watch fireworks with our children. The timing worked out. We ended up with a group of friends to watch fireworks with and got home right as the storm started. It was a HUGE day, but mostly fun and definitely memorable. 

July 5--Our company left early to beat the beach traffic. We went to church and then I helped Rebecca set up for her daughter's graduation party. It was another really really hot day! There was a breeze this time which made a huge difference. Rebecca had hamburgers and hotdogs and everything to go with it! It was a fun afternoon. I'm glad I was able to help and get to spend some time with Rebecca. 

July 6--Next on the schedule was getting Isaiah packed and off to camp. This year there were 7 kids from church that went to camp. Isaiah went a couple years ago and in the years since there had not been any kids to go with him. He was very excited and, at the last minute, a little nervous. We got to the church and it started pouring rain along with thunder and lightening. That made the good byes quick!

We watched them leave and then Anna, Nora and I went to Starbucks before we returned to the church to attend a funeral. As we were leaving the parking lot from the funeral, I received a text from Laura that the decision had been made to discontinue John's medications and a hospital bed was being delivered. 

 

From there Anna and I had lunch with Ashley and Henry. Ashley had sent her daughter off to camp also. 

 

After all that, it was time for me to remember that today was also my birthday! Sending my youngest off to camp, only 2 kids at home, a funeral, a sobering text...it was a weird day. 

Jeremy had scheduled to take college senior pictures at SU that evening. I had planned to be content to have a quiet evening at home. When Jeremy came home for supper, he mentioned that the graduate's sister-in-law (Sarah) might be coming along. I'm friends with Sarah and she lives out of state so I quickly decided that I would be Jeremy's "assistant" for the evening. It made my day! I did absolutely no assisting and a whole bunch of talking. Catching up with a friend is just about the right kind of birthday evening for me. And then the family invited Jeremy and I to join them for Island Creamery. We showed them our favorite place to eat ice cream at SU, they approved, we chatted...

...and then we headed home for birthday cake! Rebecca made me a Mississippi Mud Cake--a recipe that she has memorized and makes for her children. It made my chocolate loving heart very happy!

 All around weird day, and my heart was full and grateful. Holding opposing feelings at the same time, seems to be a practice that I am continuing to learn on a regular basis. 

Funeral and birthday. 

Heavy heart from hard news and birthday texts. 

Children away from home and friends to spend the evening with. 

Joy Dare::June

 13,428. Summer shopping with Aliza
13,429. Breeze and blue skies
13,430. Another 90s chick flick
13,431. Keeping house
13,432. Josiah and Anna working together
13,433. One more evening with Aliza
13,434. Baby smiles
13,435. Good bye tears
13,436. A safe drive
13,437. Smooth setup
13,438. Some interesting conversations
13,439. Talking to my people at the end of the day
13,440. A customer that was really grateful
13,441. Some energy left
13,442. Long last-night-at-home talk with Aliza
13,443. Talking to Isaiah on the phone for a minute
13,444. Hearing Aliza say that she's accepted at ACM
13,445. Feeling good at the end of a long day
13,446. Getting up early to show up at Taylor's church
13,447. So happy to be home
13,448. Hearing all the weekend stories
13,449. A little porch visit with Linda and Mom
13,450. Evening bonfire
13,451. Driving to get a clear view of a couple planets 

13,452. Time with Josiah to hear what he is working on
13,453. A hygienist that had the some education route Aliza is on
13,454. Another evening outside
13,455. Watching baby sleep

13, 456. A soul-filling evening with moms
13,457. Isaiah telling me he had a BLAST
13,458. A trip without slow down traffic
13,459. Enjoyable supper with the CHAP team
13,460. "I don't feel any anxiety at all" -Aliza
13,461. Quite the adventure to solve a problem
13,462. Crumble cookies
13,463. Door Dash is my new favorite
13,464. Smoothies for lunch were a hit
13,465. Efficient teamwork
13,466. The car problem was discovered before my long drive
13,467. Jeremy's persistence
13,468. Loving Anna
13,469. Worshiping beside Aliza
13,470. Safety in the storm
13,471. The kindest words
13,472. Time with Isaiah
13,473. Kids bowling
13,474. A beautiful morning at the park
13,475. Catching up with Janell
13,476. Watching soccer with Jeremy
13,477. Pajama morning
13,478. Working at my desk
13,479. Blogging on the porch
13,480. Car time with Isaiah
13,481. Enjoying Karen's yard and flowers
13,482. A most unexpected, generous gift
13,483. A day with Aliza doing college things at ACM
13,484. Camp stories
13,485. Incredibly smooth travel on a Friday
13,486. Naps
13,487. Making supper for my family
13,488. Reading
13,489. Playing with babies this morning
13,490. Taking out ice cream to the pavilion
13,491. Steak for Father's Day
13,492. Letting Anna struggle with the hard thing
13,493. Isaiah apologizing and trying again
13,494. Grace for the day
13,495. Anna did so much better today
13,496. Melinda time
13,497. House full of children
13,498. Rain
13,499. Putting away and cleaning out school things
13,500. Anna doing something new
13,501. Supper with Isaiah
13,502. Making cut out sugar cookies for John
13,503. Memorizing Scripture
13,504. Visiting with Mom and Moriah
13,505. Halfway through driver's ed
13,506. Car time with Anna
13,507. Talking to Aliza
13,508. Lake Day

 13,509. Luke 1:47-56
13,510. Making a new friend
13,511. Camp slideshow
13,512. Hanging out with the kids
13,513. Toby Mac concert
13,514. Hearing Isaiah play piano
13,515. Bank deposit
13,516. Bible study with my ladies
13,517. Isaiah made the cookies
13,518. Time with Josiah
13,519. Helping Mom for a little bit
13,520. Spending the afternoon with Maria