You're Gonna Miss This

Jeremy and I watched the season finale of The Apprentice tonight. Trace Adkins was one of the finalists and he sang "You're Gonna Miss This". It's a good thing I don't listen to much country music anymore. I was sitting on the couch bawling. Yes, Jeremy was laughing as hard as I was crying.

The song basically talks about enjoying life where you are and not wishing it away. So I'm sitting there listening to this song and looking at my baby knowing how fast they grow up. The chorus is:
You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Yes, looking back those high school volleyball days weren't so bad, maybe pretty darn good. And thinking about my Gramma laying in a hospital bed waiting for surgery on Monday to replace her broken hip... I'm thinking these baby days are pretty good too.

I need to go to bed. This is pathetic. Listen to the song. =)

Josiah's Secret

Josiah has a secret that he finally told my Mom. He likes to sleep on his tummy!

I know I probably shouldn't post that on a public blog since it is taboo in this generation, but I've been hearing that in a previous generation babies did survive sleeping on their tummies. So we've had great luck with this. Last night I went to bed not feeling frustrated. I had both children in bed at 9:37 (and we didn't hear from Josiah until 1:30am). Yes, the world was a much happier place this morning.

It is actually a warm sunny day so I took Aliza and Josiah outside this morning for an hour. Aliza had great fun chasing the neighbor's dog around our yard. Then to top it all off they both took naps at the same time this afternoon. A very happy day indeed.

AND it has been 2 days since I have cried. But I have to tell a funny story about Aliza. Monday was a BAD day as far as crying goes. I had Josiah sleeping in the front pack, I was sitting on the floor playing with Aliza and she was filling my lap with her stuffed animals. I had rivers flowing down my cheeks. All of a sudden she looked at me and said, "Uh oh, uh oh, Mommy....burp? burp?" Apparently she associates crying with needing to burp. =)

Automatic Thoughts

In my class last fall one of the theories we studies was Cognitive Therapy. One of the things this theory relies on is automatic thoughts. So if I was working with someone I might have them record their automatic thoughts for a period of time and then we would look for recurring themes to determine how their thoughts affect their behavior. So once in awhile I think about my automatic thoughts....

The receptionist told me that Josiah's next Doctor's appointment is May 5. My immediate thought was, "May 5??? I don't think I'm going to be alive on May 5. That is really far away." And then I realized it is only 6 weeks away. I probably will still be alive.

I suspect that severe exhaustion has set in.

My Week, Coloring Eggs and a Yellow Balloon

My Week
My week could be summed up by saying that my way of coping with feeling like I could just cry all the time is to keep really busy. So Monday was laundry day and we home but every other day we did something outside of the house.

The toughest thing has been that Josiah hasn't wanted to sleep at all between 9pm-1am which leaves no time for Jeremy and I to connect or any time to ourselves.

The best thing has been that Josiah and Aliza have both slept really well in the afternoon which means that I've gotten a nap so that I'm still somewhat sane by 1am. And Jeremy pretty much holds him in the evening (he can still use the mouse and click with one hand), but that means he's really tired in the morning.

I have to keep reminding myself that Josiah is only 3 weeks old and we are still adjusting.

Coloring Eggs
Aliza had fun coloring eggs. She watched Janell for awhile and then she tried it and colored an egg. As you can see it is colored and cracked! =) Then she wanted to take the eggs in and out of the carton. All day she wanted to go to the refrigerator and "peek" at the eggs. She wasn't sure what to think when the color wouldn't wash off of her hands.

Yellow Balloon
Mom and I took Aliza to storytime at the Gospel Shop and she received a yellow balloon which she held on tightly to in the car. When we got out of the car at our next stop, I had both doors open in the process of unloading the children and her yellow balloon went up to the sky. She watched it fly away and took the disappointment really well. When we came out of the store she asked for her balloon and I told her it went up to the sky. Anyway, Mom told this story to my Dad and after supper that night they went to his office and got a yellow balloon for Aliza. After she colored eggs Grandad gave her this yellow balloon and she played with it all day. My Dad will go to extreme lengths to make sure his grandkids are happy. I wish he could be around to fix all of Aliza's disappointments in life.

Janell & Jeff

My sister, Janell, and her fiance, Jeff. They are getting married Aug. 2.

This smile never leaves her face these days.

Jeff is from Crisfield and teaches the special education class at Crisfield High. He takes VERY good care of Janell. I'll be quite proud to count him as a brother-in-law. Aliza thinks he is great. She asks for "Nell" and "Jeff" every day.

Josiah's Happy Spot

This is what I'm looking at right now. The boppy pillow is Josiah's happy spot. In the morning he sits in it and looks around and in the afternoon he falls asleep in it. I'm on the bed right beside him for the first hour. Yes, this is definately what gets me through the day. I might have to resort to letting him sleep in this at night....if we have many more nights like last night.

I got to cash in on my Christmas present today. I had my house cleaned. I found out that the lady who we bought our house from is cleaning as her job now. She loves us and our house so it was a bit easier to turn my house over to her. Well, actually it was really easy. The biggest challenge was having all the toys (and clothes) picked up when she came. I really hate cleaning. I have no motivation to do it. I keep the house neat and the toys generally picked up. I sweep the kitchen floor and clean the bathrooms, but that is pretty much where it stops. So instead of feeling guilty for doing even less than that right now I think having someone else do the cleaning is worth it. So my house smells lemon fresh, there is no dust on the fans and the stove top is even sparkling clean. Who would have guessed it was possible??

Aliza's First Fishing Trip

My Dad has given each of his grandchildren a fishing pole in the hospital as soon as they are born. He has anxiously awaited the day when he could take Aliza fishing. He would have preferred to take her out on a boat, but the little Allen Pond had to suffice for today.

I had to point out to Dad that he never had life jackets for any of his children, but he had one for Aliza. (I guess fishing from a boat in the ocean is safer in his mind than standing on the bank of a pond?? Or maybe you are just extra careful with your grandchildren!)

Aliza played on the slide until the first fish was hooked. Then she came over and helped reel it in. She touched it and then wasn't sure about it....wanted Mommy....then Grandad got a bucket and put the fish in it and she liked watching it swim around. Every time a fish was caught she promptly instructed the men to put it in the bucket. Jeremy and Dad caught 6 of the tiniest fish I've ever seen, but Dad had a ball and Aliza got to fish. That was all that mattered.

And I got my exercise for the day carrying Josiah around in the front pack and chasing Aliza around. Good thing I heal fast! I think I'll take my Ibuprofen tonight!

The worst, but very expensive, hotel

One of Jeremy and my dreams is to stay at Trump Tower on 5th Ave in New York City. We looked at the cost of rooms one time and the least expensive rooms run $800 a night. You all will know that we are well on our way to our first million when I blog about staying at Trump Tower! haha. Don't look for that post any time soon!

Anyway, I got the bill for my hospital stay. The cost for a semi private obstetric room for a night is $799 and the cost for a private room for a night is $804. I had a night in each of those rooms. (The bill is itemized and this is the cost of the room only. Meds, delivery, admission etc are separate lines)

So according to my calculations I could have stayed in Trump Tower for two nights and I would have had my OWN bathroom and my sleep would NOT have been interrupted every hour. Go figure. Of course insurance won't help with the Trump Tower bill!

Regular Jeans

This can only be exciting for someone who has worn maternity clothes for 7 months....I was able to zip up regular jeans tonight! So they aren't my normal size, but I don't mind for now. I'll get back to normal.

The incentive for "getting back to normal" quickly is that my sister, Janell, is engaged and getting married on Aug. 2. I'm the matron of honor and she is picking out some great looking bridesmaid dresses that I'm determined to look good in! As soon as I get a picture I'll post one of the two of them.

Baby Steps

Next Monday is my big day. The first day I will be home alone with 2 children. This Friday I am finally allowed to pick up Aliza. I can't wait! So I've been trying to imagine what it will be like to be a mother of two and the thing I am most worried about is feeding times with Josiah. So today Karen made a Wal-Mart run and I had Josiah and Aliza and Josiah needed to be fed. (Jeremy was here working so I had emergency back-up)

I was really proud of myself that it went really well. Aliza brought books to look at and talked and kept herself really busy (as usual these days). The craziest thing she did was insist upon eating a piece of semi-sweet baking chocolate. I tried to verbally convince her it was yucky, but with every bite she said "yum". Oh well. She had chocolate all over her face by the time Josiah was done feeding.

I'm pretty sure breastfeeding is going out the window after this week. I have been pretty excited though that I have some milk this time around. It's time for the late night feeding.....he's sleeping...it stinks to wake a sleeping baby! Hopefully he'll go back to sleep. We've been having trouble getting Josiah back to sleep after his 2:30am feeding. We've been up and down until 4 or so pretty consistently. This too will pass....

Aliza's Birthday

A couple pictures of Aliza's birthday. The cupcakes were in the shape of a 2.

Birth Week

Tomorrow Josiah is one week old. At times this week has flown by and other times I thought it would never end. So if anyone is interested in the details here is the play by play. This is a SUPER long post. Be warned!!!

I do have to say that before I had Josiah I was determined not to have any medical drama. Seems I am prone to figure out the shortcomings of the medical field.

Thursday Feb. 28.
Day of my scheduled c-section. It was a weird feeling to wake up knowing that this would be the last morning that I would have only one child. We got up and packed and took Aliza to my Mom's house where Janell would take care of her while I was in the hospital. I cried when I tucked her in the bed the night before, but I was ok when we left. I didn't get nervous until we started driving up to the hospital and I started thinking about having surgery and just exactly what a c-section is. We got to the hospital at 1:15pm. Took 3 tries to get the IV in (I have HUGE bruises to prove it), listened to the baby's heartbeat, answered a million questions, talked to the anesthiologist and at 2:50pm I walked to OR.

My c-section was great. We could call it a drive-through birth. From spinal to recovery room was 40 minutes. I got really stressed out during the spinal because I felt pain in my left hip and then my right hip...the guy had trouble finding the right spot. My belly was just too big to bend my back the way he needed me to. Then it was an interesting experience to watch your body be prepared for surgery (I was asking...."are you going to hang a drape in front of me?") Then it was equally interesting when I was pretty sure the baby should be born and the surgeon says with strain in her voice....I'm having trouble getting through your abs.

Jeremy saw Josiah being birthed at 3:04 and said "it's a boy" and we looked at each other with huge grins because our gut instinct was right. We thought from the very beginning that we would have a boy.

The rest of the surgery is seemingly super long because I can't see the baby and just have to lay there. And I start shivering and it is just really tedious. At least this surgeon was super fast.

I got to hold and feed Josiah in the recovery room where I'm still shaking and totally bundled up with blankets. The grandparents got to come in and meet him and see me and after an hour I got moved to the mom/baby floor.

Josiah got his bath, assessment and shots and after an hour and a half we found out that he weighted 8 lbs. 2 oz (was that much baby really inside me!?) and was 19.75 inches long.

Now the drama... I was in a semi-private room. Alone until 1:30am. We are allowed to keep the baby in the room with us now, but being a c-section I couldn't get out of bed until the next morning so I couldn't keep him with me unless someone else was with me. So Mom was going to spend the night. All was fine and dandy.
At 10:00pm I started having pain. I'd been using the patient controlled pain pump at about half hour intervals (I'm allowed to take it once every 8 minutes) and thought that should be sufficient. At 10:15 I realized that the pump was supposed to beep if it gave me meds when I pressed the button. It wasn't beeping. I called a nurse. She said I had been "locked out" because I had taken the allotted amount in a 4 hour period. She told me to wait 1/2 hour and it would let me have more. I get one dose and by 11:15 I'm crying because my incision is burning like fire and I can hardly move. Of course I tell the nurse my pain is only a 7 when I call and tell her that I really don't think my pump is working. She decides that she should find the order, comes back and actually checks the pump. It was programmed incorrectly....I was only being allowed .4mg in four hours when I was allowed 5mg. At 12:15 that was all straightened out and I started feeling a little better. By then my neighbor had moved into the room and at 2:00am Mom was informed that she was not allowed to stay with me since someone else was in the room. She had to leave and I had to send my baby to the nursery for the rest of the night. I got absolutely NO sleep that night.

Friday, Feb. 29
The pediatrician came in at 6:30am and said he would do the circumcision that morning. So after no sleep I sat by myself waiting for my baby to be brought back to me. Of course I'm imagining him screaming. Thankfully they brought him to me 10 minutes later and said he did great...just let out one cry.....and he was perfectly fine. Jeremy was allowed to come at 8:00am. I started feeling sick and had to get meds which kept me in bed until noon. I was so tired that I couldn't see straight and finally dozed off that afternoon.
By evening Josiah wanted to nurse every half hour to 45 minutes and I just felt like I could not humanly keep up and I really wanted to come home the next day so I started to think about supplementing with formula. Which led to lots of tears that evening when everyone came to visit. Unfortunately I did not enjoy any of my visitors and they all probably thought I was a complete nut case. I was practically sobbing and couldn't wait for them to leave.
My Mom stayed late again and we decided that Jeremy and I would talk to the baby nurse and find out how much weight Josiah had lost and then decide how to proceed. He had lost 8oz and the nurse was really nice. She put formula in his basket if we wanted it and said that we could use it if we wanted to. I did and I have no regrets. I nurse every 3 hours and give him 2oz of formula. He's happy and content and so am I.
Then....GOOD NEWS....at 10:30pm when Mom and Jeremy were getting ready to leave we were informed that I would be moving to a private room and one person could stay with me. Having my mother-in-law know a few nurses from working in the nursery for years paid off. Mom stayed with me. I nursed, she gave the bottle and I had a very content baby.
But just when I thought everything was going smoothly the nurse checked baby's temp at 1:00am and said it was the highest it could be in the normal range. She was going to the call the Dr. He ordered bloodwork. So I laid awake holding Josiah for an hour waiting for the results. Everything was fine.

Saturday, March 1
We left the hospital at 1:00pm. I was so happy to come home. I had a mild headache, but I wasn't worried about it. I wanted to see Aliza and be in my own space where I could sleep without hourly interruption.
Aliza came home and saw Josiah. That was cool. She was pretty wound up, but she was happy and had had TONS of fun with Janell. Actually when Mom brought her in she didn't want to come to us she turned her head and said No.
By Saturday night my head was really hurting. I didn't get off the couch.

Sunday, March 2
I didn't get out of bed. I kept Josiah upstairs. Jeremy had Aliza downstairs. Jeremy and I communicated by text message so that he could come up and give Josiah bottles. My head was throbbing. When I laid down it was fine, when I stood up it got progressively worse. I could barely make it to the bathroom before I was dizzy and my ears were ringing. I was able to eat laying down. I tried to drink a lot. I was pretty sure that I had a spinal headache. Lots of tears today. Jeremy was very heroic since we were alone today.

Monday, March 3
Aliza's birthday! But my head was still really hurting. I really wanted to take a shower, but decided to go back to bed. At 10:00am I decided to go ahead and call the doctor. They called me back at 2:30pm and said I should go to ER. I said that I really just wanted to know that if I did indeed have a spinal headache if it would go away by itself. They wouldn't give me information... just go to ER. So I did. One of the worst decisions I've made in a long time.
We waited 3 hours in the waiting room. Head throbbing, milk coming in, missing feedings, missing Aliza's birthday party. I'm pretty much sobbing off and on and really starting to think that I've made a bad decision (...maybe this headache isn't SOOOO bad...)
After 3 hours we go back to a room where at least I can lay while I wait another 1.5 hours to see a physician. In that time I am completely convinced that I have made the wrong decision and I'm ready to walk out. The nurse said that they would run blood work, give me an IV, do a CAT scan or MRI, maybe another spinal etc. And I am thinking, HECK NO!!!! I was ready to bolt. I hadn't had anything to drink since 3pm (now it was 7:45), I really needed to nurse Josiah, and my family was eating the Panera Bread food that we had ordered for Aliza's birthday.
I told the nurse I was better off at home and that I was ready to leave. Amazingly she said the Dr. would be in in 10 minutes (It was longer than that.) but I stayed and talked to him. He said he could give me an IV and pain meds if I stayed. I said I could drink at home and had pain meds at home. He gave me discharge papers and I left. Got home at 8:45pm. Fell onto the couch, sobbing of course.
I calm down a bit and Dad comes over and explains that he has been to a conference where they taught about praying for healing. Would I mind if he practiced? He prays. I relax. And go upstairs to bed.
At 2:30am Josiah needs to be fed. Jeremy gets him for me. I nurse laying down (like I've been doing since we came home) and then I decide that I don't have the heart to wake Jeremy up to give him a bottle after putting him through a pointless 5 hours in ER. So I decide to deal with the pain, sit up and give him the bottle. BUT WHEN I SAT UP THERE WAS NO PAIN. I sat for 10 minutes.

Tuesday, March 4
When I woke up I was hoping that it wasn't a fluke. I sat up real carefully....no pain. I walked to the bathroom...no throbbing. I laid back down. I called Dad at 8:30 and thanked him for practicing! I give God the glory for this!! I was up and around all day. In the evening everyone came back to have cake and ice cream and to give Aliza presents. I got to celebrate her birthday after all....from the rocking chair, but that was what I was planning on anyway.

Wednesday, March 5
That brings us to today. I felt great all day. I've been up and around. Walking up and down the stairs. Reading Aliza her bedtime stories. Washed the bottles and supper dishes tonight. Sitting up to type!

Josiah had his initial Dr. visit this morning. He is back up to his birth weight. But the Dr. said she heard a heart murmur so we have to take him for an echo (sonogram of the heart). She said she was pretty sure it was benign....don't worry. Yeah right! I did ok at the dr. office, but then my imagination got the best of me and I had to cry. But really, everything should be ok. He's eating really well, his color is good, he has awake times etc.

And, that, brings us to the present! Time for another feeding!

Favorite pix from this morning

I love how Aiza grins and giggles when Dadday helps her "hold" Josiah.

Josiah sleeps a lot. So far his most awake time is 1-3am!

I'll post a most entertaining rendition of our birth week soon.