Excruciating

The last two days have not been fun. Excruciating is the word that comes to mind. The kind of day that leaves my chest feeling tight, my nerves stretched to the limit and my words coming out quiet and calculated just so I don't scream. I don't know if it is still readjustment from a busy weekend or if everyone has decided to test every little thing they have ever been taught at the same time...either way I can only hope tomorrow will be better.

So what kinds of things lead to this? An inordinate amount of fingernail scratches on Josiah's face and neck. A bruise on Aliza's nose from a tug-of-war match with a dining room chair that Josiah won. Outdoor play privilege being revoked because several someones couldn't abide by the yard boundaries. Ketchup being passed at the table by placing it in a bowl of jello. Mouths being wiped at the table with a wad of napkins instead of a single napkin. Daddy getting home late both nights. Temper tantrums because Daddy is reading at bedtime instead of Mommy. etc. etc.

It has been early bedtimes and it was Josiah throwing the temper tantrum tonight. I took him and silently rocked him while I tried to control my breathing during his screaming. Eventually he quieted and then he fell asleep in my arms. He was all quiet and soft and handsome and still a little boy. I didn't want to lay him down. So I sat there with him until my body quieted and my chest loosened and I felt that maybe I could get up tomorrow with some hope of a better day.