Happy 14th Birthday Josiah!

 I was going to crop Isaiah out of the picture, but decided not to because these two are always together and that is just the way Josiah wants it. Josiah, you are thoughtful, caring and kind. You are the first to thank me for every meal. I can't wait to see what new adventures you will have this year. I love you...more!

Water Fun

 We spent 2 nights at Great Wolf Lodge alternating between playing in the water park and resting in our rooms. We were with friends and I really really wanted to have fun and be a fun friend, but, in reality, I just wasn't feeling it.

 

Isaiah had a ball. He went down every slide except the biggest one.

Aliza had the time of her life. She lived every second we were there to the fullest.

Josiah had a good time. He did every slide multiple times. He invited me to go double on one of the bigger slides which I did and enjoyed.

There were races down the slides between the boys and the girls .

We ate pizza in the lobby the second evening. That was a lot of fun. It was by that evening that I bought cough drops from the gift shop. My throat had felt "tired" since Saturday evening. I chalked it up to talking all day at the funeral which was a true statement. By Monday, though, I was drinking water constantly to keep from coughing. Monday evening I couldn't cover it anymore. I slept on the couch and felt like I coughed all night. Tuesday I stayed in the room because I knew I was sick.

I could hardly believe Isaiah did the boogie board. He stayed on really well. When he got off he said that he wasn't going to do that again. Aliza did really well too.

A group picture as we parted ways.

 

I used a home test the next morning--I had a COVID cold. And so for yet another week we limited our activities. The girls still went to dance but other than that we stayed home. The Heslop COVID stats are now--we've all had it. Jeremy is the only one who has not had it since Jan. 2021.  I'm figuring we are good to go for a while now.

 

The Day of Emotional Extremes

 The graveside service was on Sunday morning. The vault company was completely booked on Friday and on Saturday so we were not able to have the funeral and the burial on the same day. Along with immediate family, one cousin came from Pennsylvania.

We all gathered at Mom and Dad's house again. Chick Fil A tasted good the second time around! It was good to spend more time together. I said in an instagram post that the upside of grief is that it brings us together.

Before we left this morning our car was completely packed to head to Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg for two nights. So many emotions--going to my Grandfather's graveside service while packed up for a long anticipated mini vacation. 

I listened to podacasts and took a nap om the drive there. We arrived only 10 minutes after the family we were joining there--Andrew, Melinda, Alena, Josiah and Tabitha. Everyone was so excited to be there.

We got a camphouse themed room that had a little separated room with three bunkbeds. We put the pull out sofa mattress on the floor so all the children could be together in this special little space.

Everyone quickly changed into swim suits and we stopped by the gift shop to pick up our wolf ear headbands.

And then we had our first time in the indoor water park. I was going down waterslides with Isaiah and thinking "just 8 hours ago I was at Grandad's graveside." It was just a lot for me to process in a very short period of time.

After a couple hours of playing, we had a late dinner at a restaurant called 2nd Street. Andrew and Melinda had a gift card and we decided to join them. This was a type of sit down restaurant that neither of our families usually go to so all of our children were excited about the menu options, the cloth napkins and the whole atmosphere. They were all tired and wound up which made for lots of laughter and silliness.

Isaiah was very excited about his own pizza and he declared it "delciious." The teenage boys got huge chicken sandwiches.

Aliza was outrageously excited about her lettuce wraps. Jeremy had an amazing looking steak. It really was a fun meal.

Everyone was almost too tired to sleep when we got back to our room!
 

The Funeral

 I've decided I've put off writing this one long enough. The pictures have been sitting here looking at me for more than a few days. I woke up the morning of the funeral with that sinking feeling of having to do something that I don't want to do.

 We had an hour of visitation before the funeral service. There were lots of tears during the visitation time. Orchids were chosen for the flowers because Grandad grew various varieties of orchids in his greenhouse.

The service opened with I Can Only Imagine, It wasn't planned, but it happened that the song played while the slideshow continued. It was just the right way for it to happen...and it was thoroughly emotional. Janell and Hannah matched Bible verses with memories that the grandchildren had of Grandad. They did a wonderful job and ended with "Blessings to you". Grandad always said that when we left in person or on the phone. It caught me completely off guard and I was crying again. My dad gave the message which was really good.

Aliza lingered after the service. Ultimately she gave her Great Grandad one more hug. Janell was with Aliza at that point. I'm so glad it was her because I think that would have done me in. When we were at my parents house every day this fall, Aliza gave Great Grandad a daily hug and he looked forward to those hugs.

While we were at the funeral, a dear friend picked up Chick Fil A and brought it to my parents' house and set it up for us. 

There were 40 people who came for lunch and fellowship for the afternoon. It was really nice to have people around to visit with. Dad and Jay had a good time with their cousins and the rest of us enjoyed listening to their stories.

About 4:00 Jeremy took our children and a couple of Brian's boys home with him. Aliza had a birthday party she wanted to go to that evening. I stayed to help clean up and linger. Brian stayed too. We spent a couple hours around Mom and Dad's table with Jay, LeeAnna, Hannah, Linda, Phil, Mom and Dad. I got home about 8:00pm. My heart was full. My body was tired. And it was time for my family to drastically change gears to prepare for the next day.

The End of That Week

 I was volunteered to pick up my cousin, Hannah from the airport in Baltimore on Thursday evening. I didn't think I needed this in my week, but the schedule really worked out smoothly and Jeremy encouraged me to do it. We did school. I took a nap, made myself a cup of chai, dropped Anna off at dance and was on my way to the airport. I had planned to stop at Panera in Easton (about halfway to the airport) for supper. I was having a great trip and was looking forward to catching up on some more podcasts when my battery light came on as I was approaching Easton. I made it to Panera, had the sense to back in to a spot in the back of the parking lot. I called Jeremy and we decided that he would call AAA and I would call my Uncle to let him know I wasn't making it to the airport.

 I hung out in Panera for just about 2 hours until the tow truck arrived.

My Dad and Uncle pulled in a minute after the tow truck arrived and we continued on to the airport. Hannah had to wait 2 hours for us, but we got to catch up on the drive back home. It was not the trip I was planning on at all. Instead of helping with a trip to Baltimore, my Dad and Uncle still had to make the drive except without warning. The next morning I wrote a list of 12 things that worked out so smoothly in this situation. 

1. My battery light came on as I was coming INTO Easton.

2. I had already planned to stop at Panera. I pulled in, parked and THEN the battery died. 

3. Jeremy made one call to AAA. They said 90 minutes.

4. My Dad and Uncle had just sat down to supper when I called. They were able to leave as soon as they finished eating.

5. I could sit in Panera--safe and comfortable.

6. Tow truck arrived just a few minutes after 90 minutes

7. Dad and Jay pulled in a minute behind the tow truck which made me feel safe. The tow truck driver was a little creepty. 

8. Neither Hannah or I had our children with us.

9. Hannah did not check any baggage so she could stay inside of security with access to restaurants.

10. This all happened early in the evening at a time when no one was missing any festivities due to wait time.

11. We were all home by 12:30am giving everyone the opportunity to sleep. (Although I did not sleep much!)

12. There is a van for us to use. 

The alternator needed to be replaced. Jeremy picked the van up the next evening on his way home from work.

So I didn't sleep much and the next day was really hard. Friday was slated to be the day when the family would gather to divide, sort and pack the apartment that my grandparents lived in at my parents house. Grandad decided to leave the house as it was after Gramma passed away 4 years ago. So this day brought back so many memories of Gramma and the grief over both of them felt fresh. My mom and aunt (LeeAnne) had already done a ton of work and had laid out a lot of things on tables. The children had fun choosing what they wanted. 

It was Gramma's banana split dish that broke my heart wide open. I was curled up on her kitchen floor sobbing. It takes time for tears to reach the surface for me and that was the moment it really happened. The banana split bowl is mine now. The next few hours was packing. Aliza ended up curled up and asleep. I think most of us were jealous. We all needed a nap.

Instead of a nap, though, I went to the funeral home for a private viewing. That was hard. It was good, though, because I knew that at least some of my children were going to need me to have it together (a bit) at the funeral. Supper was brought to us that evening which was so nice for my Mom (and me--I didn't mind not cooking!). Jeremy brought the van and took the children home. I stayed at Mom and Dad's the rest of the evening. I helped Mom clean and set up for the funeral meal the next day. I was SO very tired when I got home that night. After not sleeping the night before, I sleep good that night.
 

Jan 29 - Feb 2

 Since I think very chronologically, I'm going to go back to the week Grandad passed away day by day. Most of you were either living these days with me in person or via text or messenger. 

Saturday, Jan 29. After Dad called me at 7:30am, I came downstairs and sat on the couch. The couch is now in a spot where I have a direct view out the sliding door (which I love). I just sat and watched the snow fall. I told each of the children  that Great Grandad was with Jesus as they woke up. There was too much snow on Saturday for us to gather with the family. It was a quiet day overall. Jeremy and I finished the last bit of painting in the addition. That felt really good.

Sunday, Jan 30. I went to Mom and Dad's house alone. A couple of my sisters were there. We sat in Grandad's apartment. The emptiness settled in. I took my computer because I was pretty sure I would be organizing pictures for a slideshow. I gathered up a few more responsibilities and ultimately sat down beside Janell with an obituary template and started writing. I wasn't expecting to write the obituary and I didn't know that I was capable of writing it, but when I started it just kept on...and I think it turned out pretty well.

Monday, Jan 31. The children went with me to Mom and Dad's house. I sat in on the meeting at the funeral home to make arrangements. That was an educational experience in cost and logistics. Mom and us girls then went to the florist and picked out flowers for the casket. I did some grief buying and bought Aliza and Anna Simply Southern shirts. Mid afternoon I brought the boys back to our house and I took Anna and Aliza to the store because they needed dresses for the funeral. Thankfully, we were successful at one store after trying on a handful of dresses.

Wednesday, Feb 2. My aunt and uncle arrived on Tuesday and Wednesday was the day to finalize funeral plans and start the process of sorting and packing in earnest. I dropped off the slideshow to the funeral home. We ordered all the food from Chick Fil A for the lunch following the funeral. After Gramma passed away 4 years ago, Grandad chose to keep the house the way it was. We did not sort through any of Gramma's things in the house so this week was a lot about Gramma too. Mom and LeeAnne started with laying all the linens on the bed to sort through.

Josiah went out to the shop where Grandad's office is with Dad and Jay. They found all kinds of treasures in Grandad's desk including his flight log where he listed all of his flying time when he flew a Piper Cub.

Meanwhile, inside the house, we discovered that Gramma had a large collection of pins/brooches. Many of them we had never seen, while a few we did remember her wearing. They were all laid out on a table for others to see and, ultimately, take the ones we wanted.

 

I had planned for Wednesday evening to be a time for me while Jeremy took the children to youth group and club but that was not meant to be. When it was time to leave, Josiah was face down on the soft sobbing so he stayed home with me. He sat close to me and talked and talked. We spent the evening together. He didn't stop talking and I quickly realized that I didn't actually need that evening for myself at all!

Joy Dare::January

 8750. The kids--living their best life--playing in the mud

8751. Living room painted feels really good
8752. One more batch of Puppy Chow
8753. "This is the best of the next generation." Grandad
8754. Church
8755. Warm enough to send the children outside without coats...
8756. ...24 hours later...watching the snow fall and accumulate
8757. Doing laundry at home in my own washer
8758. Our new windows in the first snow
8759. Sitting and looking at the snow

8760. Feeling really happy that Jeremy can set up his home office
8761. Listening to music with Aliza
8762. Pacing myself
8763. Snowmen

8764. No computers/screens in the morning
8765. Unpacking more kitchen boxes
8766. Making one small pretty spot

8767. Making supper on my stove with my pots/pans
8768. Aliza made a porch delivery
8769. The boys building where Grandad could see them

8770. Finding "new" dishes
8771. Celebrating Dad
8772. Unpacking my china for the first time
8773. Someone who wants our oil tank and boiler
8774. Aliza and Anna playing piano again
8775. Ice cream at Grandma's house
8776. Ready to start school
8777. Family

8778. School at home--it will be a while before I take it for granted
8779. Peppermint tea in the morning
8780. Electric inspection passed
8781. Reading with Isaiah
8782. Baking cookies
8783. Curtain rods
8784. Final inspection complete
8785. Staying and talking
8786. A mini date two nights in a row
8787. Car time with Aliza
8788. A little motivation returning
8789. Last closet coming along
8790. Listening to Josiah and Isaiah play together
8791. Bringing all the bikes home
8792. Spending some time with Mom
8793. Opening curtains in the morning
8794. Weekend goal completed
8795. Sunday rhythm
8796. A good book
8797. Anna feeling a lot better by evening
8798. Candles on cloudy days
8799. Able to quarantine in our own house this time around
8800. Allowing myself to be distracted and feel
8801. Taking care of Aliza
8802. Warm enough for the well ones to go outside
8803. Jeremy working from home for a day
8804. Looking forward by buying bathing suits
8805. Isaiah wanting to sing at bedtime again
8806. Watching God make the path straight
8807. A few moments of sun here and there
8808. Extra baking
8809. No caulk means no painting for an evening
8810. Specific prayers
8811. Jeremy on the couch with all the kiddos
8812. Going back and forth between the books
8813. Podcasts while I caulked, taped and painted trim
8814. Aliza definitely feels better
8815. Weighted blanket
8816. Psalm 118
8817. Everyone back to school
8818. Apologizing to my children
8819. Josiah enjoying being outsdie
8820. Finding Josiah and Isaiah together in various places talking
8821. An afternoon made to get things done
8822. Talking to my brother
8823. Coffee date during dance
8824. Anna had a better math day
8825. Hearing of marked improvement
8826. Sitting with Grandad
8827. How much Ezra and Caleb wanted to come back to our house
8828. Nerf darts flying everywhere
8829. Snow piled on branches
8830. Sitting and remembering
8831. Painting officially finished in the addition
8832. Snow tunnel

8833. Hugging my Dad
8834. Processing by writing out the highlights--in obituary form
8835. When Janell and I wrote the same thing without knowing what the other wrote
8836, A comfy couch when I can't sleep
8837. Invited to get an education in funeral arrangements
8838. Pictures and memories