Aliza made my day today. She was banging on a plastic tub with spoons and Josiah was playing his basketball hoop guitar (you have to see it to understand, I think). Aliza sings along with her drumming and today's song was all about how much she loves Mama. More than Mario Kart. More than Lalaloopsy dolls. More than everything! Wow!
That's beside the point. I'm trying to write about myself tonight. Life naturally cycles through ups and downs. January is always a long month for me and this year was no exception. I think adding "teacher" to my job description this year really added to my natural "down" in January. I had my first day of seriously questioning the sanity of educating a child at home. I've had many times of wishing for a home school playdate. I put on the "school is going great for me" mask more frequently to people who are sympathetic to my efforts, but have no experience of home schooling themselves. And I became increasingly concerned about what others thought of my child and our educating at home.
It all came to a head on Monday when I had my home school review with our county's Board of Education. The reviewer was professional, respectful, and kind. Since this was my first review I did not know what to expect, but the little I heard from others it was "not a big deal" and I was told that they hardly looked at the student's work. I put together my portfolio and then took all of Aliza's work thus far and lesson plans just in case I needed them. I was hoping that the reviewer would be familiar with Bob Jones University Press from other homeschool reviews. She wasn't. And I immediately made a hole for myself when I explained that all of the instruction was on DVD. The reviewer's assumption, she told me, that was Aliza watched the DVD and did nothing else. The next thing I had to clarify off the bat was that I am only teaching Aliza kindergarten this year. On the form I had noted kindergarten as "K-5" and she thought I was saying that I was teaching kindergarten through fifth grade. Seriously? Anyway, those things unnerved me and as she looked through the portfolio I could see she wasn't "getting it." I pulled out all of Aliza's work (an almost full 2 inch binder) and the reviewer looked through everything....down to commenting that Aliza does not always write her own name on her papers (sometimes it is Mom, sometimes Daddy etc.) Ultimately, she gave me a very good review and said that I provided evidence of education in all subject areas.
The experience left me feeling unnerved and vulnerable. I left and started crying. I was not prepared for how personal it would feel to lay out to the government how I am educating my child. My feelings of loneliness intensified through the day. I so desperately wanted a friend to call that had also gone through this review. I need to talk...a lot...I need to tell my story more than once!! I need lots of friends so that one person doesn't have to hear it over and over! haha.
Thankfully I do have sympathetic family and friends and I did tell my story. One dear friend got the teary version on the way home and she helped me think of how I will present differently next time.
We took two days off school this week just for a breather. I needed it and Aliza needed it. She also thought that Valentine's should be a no school holiday! A long time ago I realized that I needed to put on blinders, so to speak, when it came to parenting my children and I realized this week that I need to put blinders on when it comes to educating my children. I need to be focused and put my efforts on giving my very best to my children instead of looking around at everyone else and worrying about what they think or don't think. I need to remain convinced that what I'm doing is the best for our family at this time in our lives and not feel like I have to defend or explain that to anyone else.
And now I will work on walking that out day by day!
