Beach Fun

It's almost the end of June and this was our first trip to the beach! We had planned to go on several other occasions, but our weather has been so rainy. I think we have thunderstorms in the forecast for most of the week.

Josiah wasn't so sure about walking on the sand. He loved sitting on the corner of the blanket and digging in the sand.

Miss "I would rather have my hair in my face than wear a clip or a pony tail." Silly girl.

Caleb and Aliza especially enjoyed the sand. Whenever I go to the beach I am always reminded of how much I am not a beach girl. The combination of sand and water is just not my thing.

That's why it is always good for us to bring Daddy to the beach with us. He is a great beach Dad. He's a great Dad anytime and anywhere, but he is by far the fun parent at the beach! Happy Father's Day to an awesome Dad! I made a great decision when I picked you to be the Father of my children.

Finally, Josiah started walking around and exploring. He got pretty good at walking on the sand. Then Jeremy took him close to the water. He sat at the edge for a bit and then Jeremy helped him get his feet wet.

This week we are taking Aliza to Vacation Bible School. She was so excited to go tonight. This afternoon she woke up early from her nap ready to go to VBS and there were tears when I told her she had time to play and we had to eat supper before we went. The opening play turned out to be WAY over her head and very intense from her point of view which led to her jumping on my lap and declaring (at a quiet moment when everyone could hear) "Mommy, I want to go home" with big tears in her eyes. She did agree to stay, but I held her a lot more than I thought I was going to. She had definitely lost her confidence, but when anyone asked her she said she was coming back tomorrow. Jeremy is taking her tomorrow night and she told me after we got home that "Daddy keep me safe tomorrow." It should be interesting to hear what she has to say about the evening when she wakes up in the morning.

Being Ok with Me

I'm not quite there yet. Maybe sharing what I've been thinking recently will make me feel more "ok with myself" and maybe help someone else feel more ok with themselves. (Posting a picture of myself is part of the "being ok with me" therapy!)

After feeling very bad the early part of May, I had two weeks that I felt good. Then I started feeling bad again. This led to me going to the Doctor and having a whole host of lab work done and wearing a heart monitor for a day. The lab work all came back normal except for my thyroid levels. They are now low so I'm back to the higher dose of medicine that I thought was causing my issues in early May. Conclusion for my symptoms? Anxiety.

And if a person, like me, feels anxious for weeks on end they end up on medicine. I'm still trying to be ok with that. I am pleased that my Dr. allowed me to be on a medicine that I can take as needed, that doesn't stay in my system for a long period of time, and that I can stop whenever I want to. But it's still hard to be ok with taking a medicine that helps you deal with life--a life I thought I was handling pretty well!

I've been doing the same things for months and my body didn't freak out. I still can't figure out exactly why my body went into hyperdrive when it did. I have realized that certain responsibilities like bookkeeping for Jeremy's business and spearheading our building project are causing me more stress than I realized.

Then there are the harder things to realize. Like I'm not as mentally and emotionally tough as I thought I was. I need help sometimes. I need a break from the children about every week and a half. I need a bit of medicine sometimes to feel like myself.

And when I've been too hard on myself and beating myself up for just not "being" enough Mom has been there to reassure me that this is most likely for a season. Just because this is a stressful season of life for me doesn't mean I have to throw away all our hopes and dreams for another season of life.

My conclusion is that it is better for me to feel like myself with the help of a bit of medicine than to flounder because I refuse to take it. And that conclusion is what is making me feel closer to being "ok with me" right now.

Special Visit

It was so special to be able to visit with my Grandma last week. She is 82 years old and lives about 12 hours away so I get to see her about once a year. But in the last year I have now seen her 3 times! Josiah sat on her lap for a few minutes (that was lucky!) and she read to Aliza. Grandma also oversaw our strawberry jam making. She has preserved a lot of food in her life time. She raised 7 children on a dairy farm!

I have gained a greater perspective on grandparents since I've had children. I had no idea how much grandchildren are loved. And then grandparents are really crazy about their great grandchildren. Sometimes I'm just a little slow, but maybe in this case I'm just getting older and becoming more perceptive of the older generations.

Words Needed

Josiah NEEDS words! I am so tired of his relentless temper tantrums. Whenever I correct him, redirect him or take something away from him he goes limp so it is extremely difficult to pick him up and he bangs his head into whatever hard surface is most easily available. Usually the floor, a wall or the edge of the table. Of course that hurts and he cries and Mommy is not sympathetic. When I do pick him up and he is mad he has taken to throwing his head into my shoulder, collar bone or lip. It hurts and especially the lip brings instant tears to my eyes and Josiah is not sympathetic! The screaming that goes along with this is the most annoying sound you've ever heard. There are plenty of cries that make me run immediately to him to bring comfort, but this scream just makes me mad. I really think that once he can express himself with a few words he will be less frustrated and the temper tantrums will decrease. He makes great car and truck noises....

Don't worry! There will be a huge blog announcement when Josiah comes out with his first word! He is 15.5 months right now so it shouldn't be too much longer.

Long Nap=New Layout!

Aliza and Josiah haven't felt very good this week and that has meant that they have taken very long afternoon naps. This afternoon while they slept I took a nap, read for a while, and then even had time to make this layout. Good thing I enjoyed it because it probably won't happen again in the near future!

I used flocking on the chipboard snowflakes and I'd been looking forward to using the "snow" stickers.

Strawberry Jam

When it comes to preserving food it is so nice to 1) have a Mom with a big kitchen and 2) have a couple sisters to help. We made strawberry jam this afternoon. Aliza helped by washing the berries and handing them to Janell or I to cut. Laura cut them in half and put them in the blender. Whenever my family preserves food we create a great assembly line. Everyone has a job and it goes smoothly and pretty quickly.

The whole process was really quick and easy. I was almost thinking that I could have made a batch by myself--until it came to the cooking part. You have to stir the berries constantly so that it doesn't burn. Then you have the add the sugar at just the right moment and get the pot off the stove at the next specified moment. So you know if I was doing it alone at those precise moments a crisis would occur with Aliza or Josiah and my jam would be ruined. I think I have a few more years of sticking with the sisters!!!

Dedicated to--

Uncle Josh and Uncle Joel!