Being Ok with Me

I'm not quite there yet. Maybe sharing what I've been thinking recently will make me feel more "ok with myself" and maybe help someone else feel more ok with themselves. (Posting a picture of myself is part of the "being ok with me" therapy!)

After feeling very bad the early part of May, I had two weeks that I felt good. Then I started feeling bad again. This led to me going to the Doctor and having a whole host of lab work done and wearing a heart monitor for a day. The lab work all came back normal except for my thyroid levels. They are now low so I'm back to the higher dose of medicine that I thought was causing my issues in early May. Conclusion for my symptoms? Anxiety.

And if a person, like me, feels anxious for weeks on end they end up on medicine. I'm still trying to be ok with that. I am pleased that my Dr. allowed me to be on a medicine that I can take as needed, that doesn't stay in my system for a long period of time, and that I can stop whenever I want to. But it's still hard to be ok with taking a medicine that helps you deal with life--a life I thought I was handling pretty well!

I've been doing the same things for months and my body didn't freak out. I still can't figure out exactly why my body went into hyperdrive when it did. I have realized that certain responsibilities like bookkeeping for Jeremy's business and spearheading our building project are causing me more stress than I realized.

Then there are the harder things to realize. Like I'm not as mentally and emotionally tough as I thought I was. I need help sometimes. I need a break from the children about every week and a half. I need a bit of medicine sometimes to feel like myself.

And when I've been too hard on myself and beating myself up for just not "being" enough Mom has been there to reassure me that this is most likely for a season. Just because this is a stressful season of life for me doesn't mean I have to throw away all our hopes and dreams for another season of life.

My conclusion is that it is better for me to feel like myself with the help of a bit of medicine than to flounder because I refuse to take it. And that conclusion is what is making me feel closer to being "ok with me" right now.