This week I've been confronted by grief in multiple ways. I attended a viewing for a full term baby. My sister-in-law's mother is battling a brain tumor. I cooked dinner for a friend of Jeremy's whose wife passed away in the last month. I found out today that a 36 year old homeschooling Mom of 4 elementary age children died of pancreatic cancer. I was an acquaintance of this sweet lady.
And so this morning it all piled up and I cried. Tears streaming down my face, holding in the sobs.
My heart is heavy and I grapple with questions and yet, underneath it all, I have faith. Faith in a God who is bigger than this world and the pain here. A God who is more complex and powerful than our understanding. A God who can handle the questions and the pain. A God who has a plan. A plan that holds our best interest at heart. And when we see Him face to face the questions will be answered and there will be no more pain and no more tears.
So I will not give in the panic of wondering what will happen next. Will it be me? Or someone very close to me? I will walk in faith. In peace. In joy.
As I sit here tonight with tears in my eyes, I will write down gifts. Because even in sadness there are gifts and there joy will be found.