I have this struggle between being happy with who I am and having higher expectations for myself. I struggle with wanting to walk in humility without feeling humiliated. Those feelings came together in one classic moment of life.
It was about 5:15pm. The hour that puts fear in every Mom's heart. Kids are a little crazy and a whole bunch of things need to come together for supper to be cooked and put on the table. Lucky for me, I had a roast in the crockpot when a car pulled in our driveway. The kids were excitedly announcing that someone, "who looked a little bit like Grandma" had arrived. I continued folding the basket of laundry in the dining room while trying to figure out who I was expecting. Right about then the phone rang..."Hi Carla! I'm in your driveway. I'm meeting Jeremy to get some help with my computer and I think I'm a bit ahead of him." And I heard myself say, "Come on in! I'll welcome you in to my mess."
And I really meant it. I wanted her to come in and visit. But my mess! I quickly picked up socks, shoes and coats so that she could walk in without stepping over things. There were papers all over the counter along with cookies just out of the oven. Half a basket of laundry was on the dining room table. Toys all over the living room floor along with all the throw pillows from the couch. Isaiah had a stinky diaper. It was simply family life in all of its messy glory.
She came in and we visited and nothing bothered her. I've known her a long time. It was all fine. BUT, I'm still bothered 12 hours later. She was a professional when her children were young. Here I am at home all day and I can't (don't?) keep up. Interestingly, I had just done some reading and had purposed, yesterday, to be more present with the children. On the floor with Isaiah. Not running in circles doing housework when they need help with schoolwork. In one sense it all backfired.
But, you know what, nothing about that visit would have changed if the house had been company ready. I would have just been more stressed and less available for the children. So, just call me from the driveway, I'll welcome you in to our home and my mess for a visit. I'll sit and talk with you and I'll enjoy every second of it. Just know that it is one happy, joy filled, intentional mess that I welcome you in to!