First of all I'm going to include a list of all my symptoms in case anyone else with hyperthyroid comes across this post. Some are cause and effect, I'm sure.
- unable to sleep/rest
- internal trembling
- pacing
- constant hand movement (ie. wringing hands)
- diarrhea
- weight loss
- dry mouth
- busy mind
- heightened anxiety
Today is day 5 since my medicine was lowered. The day started out really well. I was able to lay still in bed this morning (no trembling or feeling the need to walk). I ate meals and snacks and was feeling pretty good about progress. Then this afternoon I took a nap and I think I actually slept for about an hour. I woke up really fast and felt horrible. Took about 45 minutes to walk off the nervous energy and then right before supper I had another round of diarrhea which sent me into a tailspin.
So often this week all I could see myself as is a rubber band stretched so tight that at any moment it could snap. At other times it is a caged animal. I have questioned my sanity frequently. I wonder if something more wrong with me than just my thyroid levels. I grieve that I had cancer in the first place. I think that is mostly what I am doing right now. And, most painfully, I have really questioned whether it is responsible for me to have more children if this is what I have to deal with on a semi-regular basis.
I have literally had someone at my house to help me for a week. Jeremy's Mom is here until the end of the week now. I dare not allow myself to think about next week.
On a positive note, Benadryl has allowed me to get some light sleep for the past two nights. I am thankful for whatever sleep I can get. I have also been able to function well enough that Aliza does not know that I am sick.
Thanks for listening!
4 comments:
Oh Carla, I love you! I am praying for you and am so inspired by your courage and honesty. As someone once said, "These are the times that try men's(women's) souls." I just want you to know that you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers!
I never quite know what to say in comments sometimes but I know I want to write something, so here is goes... I want to tell you that I have thought about you every day since I found out you weren't feeling well (and many days before when I knew something wasn't right). In another week (hopefully sooner!), you will be outside playing in the yard with the kids and having fun again. Please look forward to and remember the happy times - hopefully, those times can make the next few days a little brighter.
hi carla,
i emailed you...then i checked your blog. stinks! i was so hoping to hear just the opposite. don't let go of Jesus' hand. I know He will get you through this. ...I ache for you...if it helps...you are one of the most sane and logical people that I know, and the fact that you can write objectively in the midst of such a trial is just another major proof of that!
Love you.
still thinking about you...hope things get better soon.
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